


We will seek and discover just how close we can get to each other

by aStarryNight



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 01:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2833691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aStarryNight/pseuds/aStarryNight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of moments throughout their life, goes from pre-canon to the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We will seek and discover just how close we can get to each other

He nearly hits her with his truck the first time they meet. Well to be fair, it was pouring buckets and she was the one who suddenly ran across the street.

He gets out immediately, not caring that he got soaked in seconds. “Oh my god, are you ok? Did I hurt you?”

“I – shit – no, I’m fine.” She still looks shocked that she was so close from getting hit, but other than that she looked alright.

“I’m so sorry, you came out of nowhere and…” he rambles through his apology, heart still pounding.

She waves it off, “I’m good. No harm done, yeah?”

She begins to leave, but they were in the middle of nowhere and all she has is a backpack and a hoodie to cover her from the harsh rain, and Cal still feels bad about nearly killing her so he blurts out, “Do you need a ride? I can drop you off at the nearest town or something.”

She raises an eyebrow, wary, “I don’t have any money.”

“I’m going there anyways. I gotta pick up some stuff.”

She shrugs and hops in with a quick thanks.

“I’m Cal.” He holds out his hand with a smile, “sorry for nearly running you over.”

She burst out laughing in reply, giving his hand a firm shake, “Sarah.”

xxx

“Well if it isn’t the man who nearly ran me over.” The voice draws him out of the engineering manuals he had been nose deep in for the last hour. She leans against the table with a teasing smile on her face.

He laughs, “I did say sorry.”

She smiles back and takes a seat across from him before peeking at the thick tomes of books he has piled up. “Modern Optics Engineering? Didn’t peg you as one of those genius smartasses.”

“And what exactly did you peg me as?”

“Dunno, some kind of outdoorsy guy who spends his time chopping wood and drinking beer.” She teases.

He chuckles, “Well I do enjoy a good beer.”

They end up talking for hours and Cal can’t remember the last time he enjoyed himself more. He only recognizes how late it is when the sky grows dark and Cal’s stomach growls embarrassing loud.

He grins sheepishly, “How do you feel about grabbing some dinner?”

“Depends, you asking me out?” The corner of her mouth quirks up.

“If you want to.” He replies.

“Lead the way, lumberjack.”

xxx

She doesn’t have anywhere to go really so he takes her back to his cabin, well at least he tries.

They barely make it through the door before she’s pushing him back against the door, and kissing him with a hungry mouth.

And he can’t help but groan as she grinds their hips together, and he tangles one of his hands in her hair and the other wraps around her waist to bring them impossibly closer.

He hitches her up and carries her to the nearest sturdy surface before ripping her shirt off her head and attaching his lips to her breasts, slowly making his way down her abdomen.

xxx

The smoke lingers in the bedroom, wafting in gentle spirals and curling in puffs of sweet haze. She lies against his chest as they sprawl on the bed, passing the joint back and forth.

“This, is some good shit.” She says, studying the slowly diminishing joint with the utmost seriousness, and Cal barks out laughing.

“I like you. A lot.” He murmurs against her skin. He wants to say more but the words escape him and her expression is unreadable.

She takes a deep hit before pressing her lips to his, transferring the smoke from her lungs to his own, warming him from the inside out.

“You scare me.” She meets his eyes for a moment before looking away, drawing random designs against his chest.

He holds her just a little bit closer, and he understands. He knows she’s guarded and frankly, he’s a little scared too.

But the rays of sun paint her bare skin warm and her eyes shine bright as she looks at him with a lazy smile, and he thinks he’s never seen anyone so beautiful.

And it’s times like these, when they are together and the whole world seems to fall still, that he entertains the dreams of spending the rest of his life with her.

xxx

The night she leaves him, she rides him hard, desperately, passionately. It’s all tongue and sweat coated skin, the sounds of their moans and skin against skin filling the room.

He knows there was something different about this time. Something about the bruising kisses she gave him and the hands that grabbed at every part of him and that _look_.

The look that he couldn’t place and chose to ignore.

So he lets her push him onto the bed, lets him lose himself in her hands and the way her body fit into his own.

It’s only when he wakes up to an empty house that he realizes that look was a goodbye.

xxx

There’s an anger he hasn’t ever felt before rumbling in his chest, and it grows as the reminders of her continue to haunt him. She’s everywhere in his house. She’s in the sweater she accidently left behind, she’s in the few pictures they took together, she’s in every surface they ever made love on. It grows and grows until one day it just explodes and things are thrown and destroyed and he can hear himself roar with rage and despair and hurt.

He wants to destroy it all, wants to tear the cabin he so painstakingly built with his own hands to the ground and start anew.

But he won’t. He loves this home he’s made for himself too much.

He gets a great slab of mighty oak instead; to replace the countertop he broke in his rage. He carves out twisting leaves, curling vines and blooming flowers, as he gives himself into his emotions, feeling them spread from this chest outward. Feels them as they trickle down to his fingers and into the groves he carves into the wood.

This he knows and understands.

The rough smoothness of the wood, the solid feel of the tool in his hand, and the smell of sawdust that lingers in his clothes are familiar, and he welcomes it like a breath of fresh autumn air.

It takes him weeks to finish, using all his focus and concentration to make sure all his movements are sure and steady, but the end result is something beautiful. Something to be proud about.

And staring at it, Cal feels like he can maybe move on.

xxx

Of course she blows back into his life just when he feels like he could truly move on. She’s a hurricane that plows through everything in her path with determination and desperation.

After all these years he’s given up hope that she would ever come back.

But she has. With a little girl, _their_ little girl.

He tells himself it’s just another con, just another scam, because the anger and the hurt still linger in the back in his mind and he doesn’t want sink back into that hole. Not when it’s taken him so long to crawl out of it.

But even in his anger, he doesn’t have the heart to kick them out (because of Kira he tells himself).

There’s something about the way Sarah stares at that little girl, like she is everything good in the world. It’s filled with softness and love, things she tries to hide away from the harsh world, but Kira brings it out of her so naturally that he can’t help but pause and watch.

His mother always did say he was too good, too kind. He’s starting to think she might be right.

xxx

They still fit together perfectly. Hands wander over skin, rememorizing the planes of muscle and bone underneath, while lips kissed with softness and fervour. They stumble back onto the bed and for a second it’s like no time has passed.

She still kisses with an animalistic hunger and her skin tight pants are still a pain to take off but there’s a slight hesitance in her movements, in her eyes. Like she’s unsure and cautious and it snaps him out of his haze for a moment.

“You sure about this?” he asks.

She pauses for a second surprised, chest heaving, and nods before bringing him for another deep kiss, fingers at his belt buckle.

It’s when she’s asleep that he really studies her. He brushes his hand lightly across her cheek, and even then he’s not absolutely sure she’s here with him. It’s like a long lost dream, a hallucination that’s all too real. She’s the same yet different. She has more lines of worry and weariness, and an air of exhaustion lingers around her, even in her sleep. But she still sinks into his hand that is cupping her cheek, and she still tries to wrap her arms all around his bigger torso.

He wonders what happened to her in all these years. Part of him wants to know every little detail; another doesn’t want to know a thing.

xxx

She leaves again for something she won’t tell him about but he gets to spend time with his daughter, and it’s almost scary how much she means to him now. She’s smart and intuitive and she has him completely wrapped around her little finger.

It’s a sigh of relief when she comes back for him. And even though she still won’t tell him what’s going on, she smiles a beautiful smile that make her eyes bright and kissing her feels a lot like home right now.

They sit in the front seats of the RV so they don’t wake Kira up; Sarah’s legs draped across his lap, as they caught up in hushed whispers and muted laughs. She laughs a little too loud when he tells her his adventures as a kid, and she slaps her hands over her mouth, eyes wide and playful, before peeking to check she hasn’t woken Kira up.

He goes to brush her hair out of her face, but she suddenly flinches back violently enough that her head thunks against the window.

“Sarah?” he cries out in alarm, but she shoves him back before hastily exiting the RV.

He runs out after her, hoping she hasn’t disappeared again and finds her at the back of the RV, hands on her knees, taking in ragged breaths.

“Sarah?” he asks again quietly, keeping his distance. He’s not sure what’s wrong but there’s a terrible feeling in his gut and all he wants to do is hold her in his arms.

She waves an arm, dismissive, but she’s still trembling and she doesn’t look him in the eye.

“It’s nothing. I’m fine Cal.”

“That is not being fine, Sarah! Are you hurt? What hap –” Daniel. His mind starts to fit the pieces together and the dread increases, “Did Daniel hurt you?”

She looks surprised and her hand covers the back of her ear subconsciously before she realizes and shoves her hands into her pockets, “I’m fine. He…I was… he’s gone now.”

“Can I check it? Make sure you don’t need a doctor?” he asks gently.

Her breath hitches for a second and she stays unmoving for so long that he thinks she shut down emotionally but her jaw clenches and she takes a deep, measured breath and nods slowly. He cups her cheek slowly and carefully, before brushing her hair back to reveal the red healing cut that ran behind her ear. It’s scabbed over and a still a nasty red colour but it doesn’t look infected, which relieves him just a tad.

He guides her back inside, onto the small chair, before grabbing some disinfectant. Dabbing some on the cloth, he slowly and carefully wipes the cut clean.

She sags under his ministrations and drops her head against his shoulder when he’s finally done, like the weight of the world is on her shoulders. Pressing a small kiss on top of the bandage, he pulls her up for bed. She all but collapses beside Kira, naturally curling herself around her in a protective embrace.

He presses a kiss to both their heads, and wonders for the countless time how much she’s been through and if she’ll ever get some peace.

xxx

She gets nightmares sometimes, though with everything she’s been through, Cal isn’t exactly surprised. But she doesn’t get the ones you see in movies, where the character screams and bolts up in their bed. No her nightmares paralyzed her, muscles tense as she curls into herself, trying to make her as small as possible.

(He remembers the first time she had one with him. Shaking her awake, she woke up with a flinch, throwing her arms out to protect herself from an anticipated hit with a strangled cry. He remembers jumping back, nearly falling off the bed in horror.)

He knows better now. Flicking on the lamp so she won’t wake up to the darkness, he gently calls out her name and soft reassurances until she jolts awake, eyes scanning the room frantically.

“Hey Sarah, it’s just a dream. We’re all safe.” He holds her hand, rubbing small circles against the back of her hand until she calms down.

She exhales, drops her head against his shoulder, “Sorry, did I wake you?”

He shakes his head no, “You want to try going back to sleep? Or I can make some hot chocolate and we can watch a movie or something?”

She shakes it off like it’s no big deal like always, but her eyes, shining with unshed tears, are grateful behind the lingering fear.

“Yeah, hot chocolate sounds pretty good right now.”

xxx

She sits behind him one morning, legs on either side of his hips and wraps her arms around him, nuzzling her face between his shoulder blades.

He starts to turn around, worried she had another nightmare, but he can feel her shake her head against his back and her arms start to tighten around his stomach, so he turns back around and pretends to watch the game.

The tv is all but flashes of colour at this point, because all he can focus on is the way she’s clutching at him like a child with their favourite stuffed bear, the way he can feel her mouth open and close with words that won’t come out, and the frustration in her muscles as a result of this.

She’ll talk when she wants to. He rubs gentle circles on her hand with his thumb, trying to convoy _take your time_ and _I’m here for you_ and _you’re safe here_ because with Sarah, actions have always been more meaningful than words.

“Thank you, Cal, for sticking with me. And thank you for – for just everything. You didn’t have to do anything but you did. And I know I don’t really say it, but I really appreciate it, and I –” She says in halting sentences against his back.

_I love you_.

She says it so quietly, like a whisper in the wind, that Cal’s breathe hitches for a moment, fearing that he may have imagined it.

But it’s real, and she says it again louder and stronger, when he turns around, a soft smile spreading across his face. She’s staring at him with a shy half smile and eyes full with vulnerability and love, and he can’t help but hold her face in his hands, pressing gentle kisses on her lips, cheeks, eyelids, and everywhere else he can, murmuring the same three words back in between each kiss.

Xxx

When everything with DYAD and Proletheans and military are over for the time being, they make their way back to the rustic cabin, hand in hand. And he’ll scoop her up, and carry her across the threshold, laughter echoing in the air.

She leans against the doorway, eyes tired but her smile is soft and genuine.

“I’m home,” she says as he bends down to eagerly press a kiss to her lips.

He touches his forehead against hers, hands gently tracing her face, breathing in her scent.

“Welcome home.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I've really enjoyed writing this one.


End file.
